And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
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Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
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I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have tasted many bathrooms
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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