If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
