I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
