Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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