I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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