can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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