once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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