i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
