Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
