i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
