Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
