i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
