dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
