He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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