Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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