I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
