if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
FUCK WHALES
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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