just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
