u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
