I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
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every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
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Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize