Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
