ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
