hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
