You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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