You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I AM VODKA MAN
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
