i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
