Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
