had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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