Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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