We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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