In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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