I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
