A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
