Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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