There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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