I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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