someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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