i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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