I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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