my room smells like sperm. sweet.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
