you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
