i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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