Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
