I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
