shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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