she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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