My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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