thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
