i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
