Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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