I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
