Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
