You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
this hospital has no fireball
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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