I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
