U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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