I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
me + whiskey = a bad person
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
