3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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