I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
