No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
