she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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