Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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