Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
