Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
