I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
