I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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