What a fucking waste of an outfit
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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