Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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