I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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